I feel vain whenever I write in this blog and reread it days later. I know it's a way of letting all of my thoughts and emotions out... but am I really this self-centered? I mean, who wants to read about this crap that goes on in my head? I guess I'm also being somewhat of a hypocrite writing about how vain I am when in reality writing about how vain you really are is just an act of being... vain. Blah blah yadda yadda yadda. I've never said 'vain' so many times before!

I've realized lately that I'm a doormat. I let people walk all over me. I do whatever they want, I make dinners, don't express how I really feel, avoid controversy at all costs. Especially towards my new roommates. I go out of my fucking way to drive them places, help them out, make dinner for them.. and it's still just the 3 of them... I generally feel used. I have a hard time standing up for myself when it comes to stuff like this... if you even consider that standing up for yourself.

I feel like a failure. I need to step up everything in my life..

Nemo is clawing at the door trying to get in my room. I would let him in but it's 8:15 am and there is no way in hell I'm getting up. Why am I even awake? I made a bet with Ryan seeing who could sleep in longer. I guess I lose because I've been up since 7. My brain hurts.

I went out to eat with my parents last night and for once... I can really say I enjoyed it. I'm growing up... I've still got a lot to go but I can honestly say, when the timing is right, I can act like a mature 20 year old. But then again I'll make a sex joke and any kind of maturity I had just kind of crumbles away.

Is it spring break yet? I can't waiiittt to go to Busch Gardens. More importantly, I can't wait to go to the NEW HARRY POTTER WORLD at Universal over Memorial Day weekend. I'm literally going to pee my pants. I am that excited. I saw a commercial last night and I started yelling and jumping up and down. (ok that is a lie, it was around 12 am so I was laying down on the couch... but I was skipping on the inside)

Nemo stop clawing! You stupid cunt. He's so fat he just sprawls across my bed and takes up all the space, and I'm too nice to kick him off. Just like yesterday when Daisy was next to me on the futon and she started farting up a storm. I'll call her out but she'll just stare at me with those little brown eyes like I'm insane. WOW am I really that delirious in the morning that I'm talking about my dog's farts? Yes. Disgusting. Epic. Magic.

I went to the doctor today for my first.. urmm.. checkup. Heh, I won't go into details but it was pretty awkward. That's all I'm going to say.

I neeeed to go backkkk to sleeeeeeep. This is ridiculous. I need drugs to help me sleep in. Ok maybe not.. maybe I should stop drinking caffeiene until one in the morning. Maybe.. I'm addicted. I now go through a 12 pack of Coke Zero cans in less than a week. I drank 6 in a day when I was studying for that history test...

OKAY enough ranting for this morning. I'm going to try my best and fall back asleep.

Overdue

I know that nobody reads this... but I suppose it IS nice to get my thoughts and concerns away from my head and my homework and onto a screen where I can always look it back up. RUN ON. Here I am, sitting in the library, procrastinating. My posts from a year ago are hilarious to look at. I thought my life was shit then... and looking back... well, it was alright. Life now is better I suppose... after a semester of terrible grades and the ultimate shit from the parents has undoubtedly made me stronger and more mature. However, I'm still obviously susceptible to falling back into my old ways.. IE: waiting until the night before to study and write papers. I really do need to do a good job this year.

I'm driving up to see Ryan tomorrow. 8 1/2 hours. The things I do for love. HA well it's definitely all worth it. If you had asked me a year ago if I would be in this intense relationship I am now, I would have laughed at you. I liked being single. Ohh well, love hits you across the face when you least expect it.. and all I have now is a whole heart and a scar on my cheek.

I must go study now.

Peace out, readers. (If anyone other than me actually reads this, that is.)