Overdue

I know that nobody reads this... but I suppose it IS nice to get my thoughts and concerns away from my head and my homework and onto a screen where I can always look it back up. RUN ON. Here I am, sitting in the library, procrastinating. My posts from a year ago are hilarious to look at. I thought my life was shit then... and looking back... well, it was alright. Life now is better I suppose... after a semester of terrible grades and the ultimate shit from the parents has undoubtedly made me stronger and more mature. However, I'm still obviously susceptible to falling back into my old ways.. IE: waiting until the night before to study and write papers. I really do need to do a good job this year.

I'm driving up to see Ryan tomorrow. 8 1/2 hours. The things I do for love. HA well it's definitely all worth it. If you had asked me a year ago if I would be in this intense relationship I am now, I would have laughed at you. I liked being single. Ohh well, love hits you across the face when you least expect it.. and all I have now is a whole heart and a scar on my cheek.

I must go study now.

Peace out, readers. (If anyone other than me actually reads this, that is.)

I'm always worried about my own originality. I used to think that I had unique thoughts and theories... but then I thought, well maybe everyone else thinks the exact same thing. The sad part is that I'll never know exactly what anyone else is thinking, even through discussion. I'll never be able to fully understand the intricacy of another person's mind.

Anyway, I had a great time at Lake Berkeley today. It was stupid fun. I love having friends that I can go completely crazy with, god knows I'm extremely random. I have a hard time distinguishing between friendship.. and well liking someone a little more than friendship. We have the same personality. Imagine that. Maybe it's too soon. There's no way in hell I'm going to say anything to anyone about this (except you blog and my 2 followers :P). I feel like I'm leaning over a ledge... Should I steady myself or fall head first? Should I determine friendship or fall into like and face rejection? If I see a sign from him pointing over the ledge... I'll know, but for now I'll stay unsure and wait it out. I'm so used to rushing things that this may seem hard, but I have a feeling it's going to be worth it to wait it out. I've fallen for the idea of a person... but not the actually person, 99% of the time. I love the idea of this person, but I need to figure the rest out.

I think I deserve a chance at love.

Here I am again, lounging around my dorm for the second day in a row. I'm such an introvert it's ridiculous sometimes. I can be perfectly content 98% of the time. My head is racing, perhaps from that extra large diet coke from Chili's with the parents. They came down to Milledgefuck today to help me move my fridge, futon, etc, out of the room. The walls are bare... nothing but the desk on the floor.

It's a gorgeous day and I've barely been outside.. :/ Oh well, I'll be out in a little bit.

I don't know what to do about my major. Spanish classes here are the shits... and I haven't taken any art classes yet so I can't be sure about that one. But we'll see. I would absolutely love taking some creative writing classes, too bad there aren't any open though.

I hope my parents won't be too pissed when I paint my walls this summer. Ehh, they can deal. They've dealt with many more permanent things before.

Ehhh... mind blank. I'll get back to this later.

Good Morning. It's 1:00 pm, I love college sometimes.
What an interesting, drunken night.
Rereading my texts are always nice... watching a guy throw up in a cup right in front of you, not so nice.

I really want to get my tattoo redone. Get some colors in there to mix it up.

Short blog post.

Gotta shower, get the bar smell outta me, and head to Statistics.

I'm ready to get out of here. It's hard for me to make the best of things when I'm stuck in this goddamn drafty, lonely dorm room. I've realized that my closest friends are the ones at home. Sure, I've got some good ones here... but it hasn't been enough to get me by lately.

AH my problems are irrelevant. I make a big deal over little problems. I shouldn't even be talking about this right now.

"... it smells like an old civil war museum in here."

I can't listen to Ben Folds without feeling a bit weepy. Sad, but true. That's what past relationships do to you. You love these amazing artists, then suddenly a stupid boy takes them away from you because you aren't emotionally stable. Yacchh.

I got a 44 on my Spanish test. I don't care.
Spanish is my major too, and I still don't care.
I've been in this constant state of nonchalant epic, lazy blah-ness, for lack of more intelligent words.

Let's see what I did in English today... doodled. What do I do everyday? Dream, draw. That's it. Thank god I'm taking 2D design next semester. That'll save me.

I'm lonely here in my single room... the first floor caves of Parkhurst. Everyone in here with the exception of Kait, Kat, and Chelsea, sucks. Maybe I'm just not social and cookie-cutter for everyone else. Or maybe I don't give two shits? Maybe.

I'd laugh hysterically if someone I know actually reads this. Good luck...
Well, I'm off to illegally download some albums and bust my butt at the gym.

Mazeltov.

Sitting in Panera.

Oh, John's Creek.

Tomorrow I head back to good ol' Millyville.
To an excess of English papers, Spanish compositions, and studying for finals next week.
Ay dios mio.
My plan for tomorrow is to drive up to Milledgeville early.. leave at about 11 or so. Once I get there, I have to finish this Spanish project and post it to Youtube. (?)
Then.. I get to study my life away in the library with Kait. Luckily i'll be with her to keep me company though.
I'm not looking forward to this. It's going to be one of the hardest weeks of my life. I'm sick and not quite up to this, but what choice do I have? I'm borderline failing math.. and the final determines if I pass or fail. Ugh. I'm such an underachiever when it comes to school.

I stop caring.
Oh well.. I best stop lollygagging (!) and I best start working on... who the hell knows what.
All I really want to do is go to sleep..
ahhh.